Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in tashakitty's LiveJournal:

Monday, June 16th, 2008
10:55 pm	whirling wind life has been full these days. exhausting, satisfying. in the past 2 months, i learned to sew using industrial sewing machines. i learned how to create garments, and use stitches. i created an ass-kicking skirt, how i've always wanted it. its long, made of linen, and is white. it flows, and fits almost perfect. i feel very accomplished. i compiled an enormous amount of information in hopes of helping to develop my school's interest in becoming more sustainable- especially in the fashion department. talked to innovative companies from europe who happily sent us samples of their eco-happy fabrics. this week we are moving again. south about 50 miles. back to coral springs, where i grew up. in with my crazy parents while we try to buy a little house in their neighborhood. this will be interesting to say the least. 2 adult humans, a wild, giddy, angel-baby, 3 bitchy (sweet) cats, and a loving, jealous, and frisky dog. we live way too far from school, and gas is too abominable to be afforded for such travels nearly daily. this is kind of a hard move for me, surprisingly. moving has never been an issue for me before. i don't think, at least since i was a tiny little girl, have i actually put roots down. i have never actually been comfortable in a place i've lived before here. and, we've been here 3+ years! this is where my baby was born, where he took his first steps, did his first everything. this is the quietest place i've ever lived. and my little townhouse is so cute and has been perfect- even crumbling the ways that it is. but i know, that it is 100% right that we leave. because this area has nothing for us. boring people, no culture, school is too far, there's no work here. we'll be gone by the end of the week. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 8th, 2008
12:16 am	sorta decaffeinated after much thought and dwelling, and inspiration from the lovely and continuously inspiring AllisonCMA, as well as my profoundly insightful husband, i have kicked the coffee addiction monkey off my back. and i must say that it is a free feeling. i don't ever want a cup again. i know, my sobriety has lasted a mere 7.5 days but, it is a start i am pleased with! when Wes decided he was done with coffee last week, i finished our bag of freshly roasted Guatamalen. it didn't make me feel nice. and i drank it simply because it tastes so good and perked me up to full mast when I was lagging, wobbling around trying to be coherent. but i realised that i could go on no longer like that. if i can keep my blood moving myself, i can have energy. blood was meant to be moved around. i can breathe energy into my system. in the mornings, i can spend double time exercising and doing yoga and reap greater benefits than if i were desperately clinging to my java-obsession. besides, coffee makes so much mischief in the nervous system, that when doing some crazy Kundalini, and I'm some crazy posture, and breathing fire through my navel, i start shaking and sadly cannot hold my stance! that is too disappointing. i'm still fending off the caffeine-withdrawal headaches, but they are lessening. black tea works good if i really need to alleviate the throbbing. but soon enough i don't even want that. i will go back into the arms of my friend yogi-tea. this morning, tristan did an entire yoga set with me. this was an unprecedented event. never has he had the patience to go an entire hour. after he was born, and i was doing "mommy and baby" yoga with him, he had a serious issue with it. we never got through the whole 1/2 hour set. i was more than astounded and proud of him. when we wake up in the mornings, he actually looks forward to watching it online with me! Current Music: silence (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 22nd, 2008
11:59 pm	When I was pregnant, I worked as a buyer for Whole Foods Market. One day I was helping a customer, an elderly Japanese woman. She asked if I were a Hindu. To which i replied not exactly, because I was not raised to follow one religion any more than another, however I do believe in much of the peaceful and basic spiritual ideas. Quite round then, she asked me what my due date was, March 15 was my reply. To which she said, amazed, that the same date belonged not only to her mother, but also her granddaughter. Her mother had passed away sometime before her own daughter became pregnant, and when that time period was confirmed to be her granddaughter's due date, she had the clear suspicion that her granddaughter would indeed be born on March 15, and would carry her mother's soul in reincarnation. She said she had not been a very good daughter, and gave her mother much strife when she was young. And she felt so blessed to have been able to be given a second chance in the same lifetime. As it turned out, she was born on March 15. Reincarnation is the only way I can understand the meaning of both life and death. Most people my age have had to face death differently than I have. I have never lost a human I was close to, unexpectedly. Many cats, and to face that sudden absence was very lonely, but when you make friends with animals, especially cats and dogs, you have to always know that it is a friendship that will most likely leave you in time. When my grandfather died last summer it was sad, but good too, because I hated knowing how he suffered. Also, we were not nearly as close as we had been in the past. He and my grandmother practically raised me, while my parents were off busy accumulating money. My views on spirituality stem greatly from his preachings of the Hindu pantheon, Mother Earth, and peacefulness. When it became clearly evident that his time here in that body was coming to an end, my heart ached to see him and my grandmother. I had not seen them in 3 years at that point- a distance I felt I needed from nearly all members of my blood-family. Sometimes, I wonder where we've all known each other from in the past. I know I've spent many lifetimes with certain individuals; the bond is just too cemented down I can't even explain it. I stare at my son, as he teaches me basic lessons of life- mostly patience- and think how wise he is. I stare into my husband's eyes, he has taught me so much of enjoying every day, of letting in sunshine, of not needing to clam up into my dark clamshell. The simplistic wisdom he brings sometimes makes me feel so small and childlike, and yet so old and ignorant, for wouldn't a child see things in the same way? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
12:13 am	Full Moon and Drug Addiction in the Ayers' Household I am drained. My two-year-old angel is very hard to please. And he has no patience. And it takes its toll on a momma who is losing hers rather quickly. And when he takes only a splattered 15 minute nap in a whole 14 1/2 hour period, my head feels like its going to explode as it does at this moment. Not to mention I have come to terms with the reality that I have a chemical dependency. Yes, I am a drug addict. It takes alot of big balls to admit this one. Caffeine. Not just any kind of caffeine, its gotta be GOOOOOD coffee. really good coffee. And fixed by the hands of MY LOVE. Its a problem. It tastes too good. And when I go deprived a whole day, I am then plagued with pulsating through my tired little brain. I wonder if this is more a "mental" addiction than an actual physical one? Nonetheless, its a problem. Not a problem I intend on working on; I love it way too much. But damn, I go a single fucking day without my fix, and I have to deal with withdrawal. Its really worse than chocolate. When i down my cup, I begin dreaming about tomorrow, and how the morning (or afternoon) will greet me with my fine-ass husband lovingly preparing that ceramic cup filled with my salvation. I have to settle for black tea in the meantime. Tonight the moon is full and lovely. Tristan adores the moon. He looks for her everyday. The other night, he awoke screaming, crying for the moon, he needed to see. How sweet he is. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 19th, 2007
4:42 pm	bleed for the first time in 30 months, i got a period today. it was a big smack in the face. i was hoping to never see one again. all the signs pointed to the symptoms, but in my ignorance, i could not see the truth, did not want to see it, and here it was, exactly as it always had been in the past. 30 months was a really nice time to not have to deal with it. bah humbug. i've heard that periods after having kids are a whole lot easier. let's see what happens. Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: jack johnson (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 16th, 2007
4:52 pm	the goings-on in the ayers household so, tristan is alseep. wes has gone to work. school is out until january. i have no art currently awaiting my attention. housework is not necessary at the moment, other than some laundry. how strange that i actually have moments to sit back and think without obligations pecking at my heels. the kitten-koi, 5 months old, chases our lazy maine-coon, luna. luna loves, and loves not to be pestered. her big, fat, fluffy tail is a feather toy for the koi. niaouli, our doggy, loves all this action, and gets in the middle of everything. tristan sleeps with kona, our first kitty. she waits on him like a nanny. she loves to nap with him. no school. no priorities. im drinking tea. whatever shall i do? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 8th, 2007
2:39 am	i'm painting. i've been painting a whole lot. allison, you'll be proud. orchid. cattleya. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 20th, 2007
6:55 pm	Today MEOW! Today was an extraordinary day filled to the brim with accomplishment. Tristan did yoga with me to start the day. Tristan ate a huge breakfast. We took out 3,285 loads of trash and recyclables. We took Niaouli on a humoungous, gigantic walk throughout the neighborhood. Then we gardened until we could not garden anymore. It was grand. Then Tristan went to nap, and I was given the privilege of clearing out the scary storage closet that has not been cleaned in truly only god knows how long- we surely weren't living here when that was! it was a really scary job. dust, and trash, and unknown scariness floating in there. But it is now completed, and we have an additional storage closet!!! as well as shelving that was removed from scary closet, cleaned, and will be relocating to its new residence in our disorganized bedroom closet! To make our gardening experience extra luxurious, Wes wired our unused speakers outside, so we had tunes! He also managed to clean my car, and do those necessary things called paying utility debts! It was a good day. Plenty to be grateful for. I look forward to a shower with Tristan! (2 Comments |Comment on this)